Putting It In Words

Goodbye

2011-07-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

We became friends 14 years ago. We shared a lot of good times, and even more bad ones. I just dropped him off at his place for, probably, the last time. We said goodbye. Life goes on. At least I hope so.

Earth Hour

2010-03-23T01:48:00.001-07:00

Saudi Arabia is taking part in it this year !! Now, as a concept, i agree with it and i'm definitely taking part in this. But, i really hope that we don't miss the bigger picture here. It's not about that hour, it's about the concept behind it. At least that's me.

PS. I'll just act like i've never stopped posting

Bits

2009-12-11T15:03:00.000-08:00

I've been doing pediatrics for the past 7 weeks. Just had my midcycle test a couple of weeks ago, which i haven't prepared for at all, and surprisingly i didn't get such a bad mark either lol .. that was awesome :D

Yesterday was probably the luckiest day of my life. Our team's research won the first place in college, i won a laptop in a lottery, and my dad insisted that we go out and out of the blue just bought me a new phone, the last time he bought me something was nearly 4 years ago after i kept nagging about it lol .. I can't remember anything that good happening every since i left school.

O' rubber band, thou shall not meet my face !

Can't wait to get my new amplifier which i bought 2 months ago from dubai. I had a case built for it, that's why it took so long to be ready, and now it's done :D

My budds and i were asked to play in a new year's party, but i had to reject that for i have finals 2 days after that date. Bummer !

I can confidently say that 99% of pediatricians are old kids .. And i'd gladly inflict the maximum amount pain on ONE of them if i get the chance.

People, seriously now, enough with all the ass kissing !! I really don't know how they endure doing that.

I really need to travel this winter ! .. I mean, when i wake up at 2 am just to enjoy the sight of a few drops of rain for about 30 minutes, that's just sad lol

I gotta get back to reading .. it sucks when you realize you can't do too many things

I am ..

2009-11-16T04:24:00.000-08:00

Voice : Who are you ?

Self : I'm nothing more than someone you might remember years from now.

Voice: Remember ? Aren't you going to be around ?

Self : I'm nothing more than someone you might remember years from now.

Meeting new people. Making new friends. Helping the ones in need. Never accepting help from anybody. Always listening. Never the one talking. I am someone they might remember. They are ones i'll never forget.

Thankfully, i have many friends, whom i really adore and respect, and who won't hesitate to offer they're help if they feel i'm in need. But, i'm never a part of their lives, and they're not part of mine. I wont allow it. Driven by subconscious thougts, i try not to get attached, or let others get attached to me.

Disappointment

2009-11-05T03:19:00.000-08:00

I just got my an email yesterday saying "your grade is now available". My heart was racing as i was opening it to see how much i got. Thank god i passed. But, i am quite disappointed in myself i thought i could do better than this. My grade is ok, but i'm personally not satisfied. I really let myself down this time.

Get treated and flunk !!

2009-10-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

I have to let this out of my system before i sleep. Today, i went to see a professor because of my absences. Now, the funny thing is that i've been absent for 6 days, five of which i handed in a sick leave, so that should mean only one day. Surprisingly, he said these sick leaves aren't acceptable. WHAT ?? WHY ?? We only accept ones issued from our own hospital. " ????" I tried to tell him that 1) That is the only hospital i've even been treated during my whole life. 2) My father works there, so i don't actually go through any lines before i am seen. He wouldn't even let me talk. And the 6 days i've been marked absent, apparently are worth 40% of the course. ARE YOU KIDDING ?? 6 days are 40% of a 12 week course ?? .. I was sick during those days, but honestly, didn't go to the hospital, but the forms were written anyway. Now, i feel like an idiot for not just simply asking someone to mark me present.

Tomorrow, i'm taking this to another level. I'll meet everybody there is to meet regarding this. I don't get it, how the hell do you want all the students in the whole university come to this very hospital if they get sick ?? Where will you fit them all ? Not to mention all the other patients that are already packing the ER. That guy really got me infuriated.

There i've said it.

Flu

2009-10-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

I'm having flu symptoms, which is not a big deal. Did i "5anzart" >> get the swine flu virus ? Maybe. But, it's ok. This swine flu pandemic has been blown out of proportion in my opinion. I'm not saying that we shouldn't take any precautions, i'm just saying that there has been a lot of fuss that the media has put around it. We've had many cases of the swine flu in out hospital and they became fine Al7amdulellah. All we need to do is orient ourselves about the symptoms of the disease, which can be found in the WHO site, or anyother source you feel comfortable with. And know when to go to the hospital.

I know there has been a lot of talk about the vaccine. Let's just say that as soon as it is available, i'm definitely going to take it. The side effects that they've been emphysizing are side effects that might happen with a lot of drugs and vaccines. Not to mention that a lot of them are not true. For example, IT CAUSES ALZHEIMER'S ??? Give me a break, alzheimer's is a disease of age and there is no way that they can predict weither the vaccine is concidered a risk factor that can cause it until a study has been conducted which would take many years.

I got a little carried away lol .. i guess that's what turning into a pig does :P

2 WHOLE MONTHS ...

2009-10-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

That's how long i've been isolated from the rest of the world. And it was totally worth it. I had achieved what i was aiming for, and found perseverance i thought i lost a long time ago. I believe that me writing the license exam was the best thing that happened to me since i got into medical school .. All in all, i'm glad everything went well, and the feeling that i really did everything humanly possible is just great :)

The worst part though was that i had to go to dubai to take the test. It only added the stress of traveling on top of what was already there, but it was all fun after that. Of course, i didn't forget to reward myself for all the hours my ass had to suffer while sitting behind the desk :p .. So, as soon as i was done with it, i went to this new instruments shop and bought me a new guitar amplifier :D WOOOHOOO

Things are going really well for me at this time, and i'm thankful for that. I have so many things planned for this academic year. I plan to keep myself real busy with school and music. And i'm not forgetting this blog ;) .. Maybe i'll remember to neglect it, as some of you had already predicted :p .. Thanks for all the good luck wishes.

BACK !! :D

2009-10-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

I just got back home from the airport. It's really late and i feel sleepy, but i just had to announce that i'm back to life again :D .. I'll tell all about it tomorrow, because honestly i can barely keep my eyes open .. 'night guys

Break !

2009-08-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

I have committed myself to take the First step of the American license exam at the end of this summer. It's not gonna be easy, i need to review too many material. So, i'm gonna take stop doing a lot of things at the time being, until i'm done with it. It's not like i've been doing a good job keeping this blog :p .. I hope it all goes well.

See you all later

New Place .. New Experience

2009-07-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

Friday, July 10, 2009. A day to be recorded in Austrian history, for it has witnessed the moment where i have set foot in it's capital city, Vienna. Well, aren't I a little too full of myself ? :p ..

I've been wanting to come to this place for so long, and now i'm finally here. To be frank, i'm a little too excited lol .. Mainly for it's musical culture :D .. I actually have thought about taking a few years off to come here and study music, but unfortunately med school doesn't give a lot of choices.

We only arrived yesterday and it's 7 am right now, so there is nothing to tell really since i haven't explored the place yet. But, let me ask you this, did you know that the trip from Riyadh to Vienna can actually take 12 hours ?? .. How you ask ? .. That's when you transit Cairo for 2 hours, that later become 4, then 6 :/ .. And when you are someone that can't sleep in airplanes, it just becomes beautiful.

Anyway, the hotel is really amazing .. It's an old house that goes back to 1857, or was it 1875 ? i'm not sure .. Even thought i had a little incident this morning where the bathroom door jammed and i was trying to open it for around 15 minutes, and thank god i managed that. And when i say bathroom, i mean something around 1m x 1.5m :/ , so you can imagine how flexible i had to be in there :p

It's breakfast time now ;) .. and then it's off to the streets. Thank god a brought a sweater, it's kinda chilly outdoors, or is it ?? .. Well, living in a place where 50 degrees celsius is the default, the slightest breez would make you feel cold.

What about you guys ? What are your plans for the summer ?

On another notice, something big happened a week ago .. it was awesome :D .. i really wish i can share that here .. but unfortunately i don't want to take the risk of losing anonymity :( .. but it was great i'll tell you that :D

P.S. Dpalms, here's your name again :p

Blogging & I

2009-06-27T03:19:00.000-07:00

Speaking out. Shameless expression of thoughts, feelings, dreams and wishes without being in the spot light of people's scrutiny, without having the vague side of me exposed. The best part of having this blog is that it's the place where i can show my true colors without having that attributed to me personally. And the worst is when i want to scream my lungs out about something but i know that it will connect all dots and will lead people i don't want to know who i am to my identity. So basically, i'm always watching what i write, i'm the one always building a box around me. It protects me. It keeps people away.

This leads to a certain conflict. I don't really care what people say or do, not at all. But, i still care enough to keep them distant as much as possible, depriving myself of things i'd rather do. I hate it when i can't figure myself out.

The reason why this is all coming out now is that there is the imminence of an important event that i can't talk about here, because it will most definitely point fingers at me. It's not the importance of this thing that's holding me from speaking out, but the personal input i have invested in my previous posts that i would not want shallow idiots to know about me. Am i making any sense ? .. Surely not me.

P.S. D palms, I suck not :p

P.P.S. MJ's death have caused me sadness i never thought i'd feel over the death of an artist. He was a childhood figure to me, one of the pillars of my life growing up .. It felt weird.

I know i suck ... BUT BARCELONA KICKED ASS !!!

2009-05-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging for a long time now. I hate that to be honest. I want to write, share my thoughts, things i go through, and i love reading what you think about them. I haven't been really reading anything anybody has written since my last post. I SUCK !!! But, in my defense, i had a very busy month with certain projects, not mentioning my studies, and it kept me away for a while, and things haven't been the same ever since.

The really big thing today is that F.C. BARCELONA won the champions league :D WOOOOHOOOOOOO .. The team made history today, it's the first spanish team to ever win all 3 trophies, la liga, copa del ray, and the champions league :D .. I'm beyond happy .. i'm euphoric :D

Another interesting thing is the subject i'm currently studying, Psychiatry :D. I never thought i would actually like it this much. It's one of the most interesting things i've ever read about. We are dealing with something that's beyond material, diseases of the mind, and that is too damn cool :D .. Who normal people render crazy are treated and return to normal, after years of suffering and going to "traditional medicine" and "6b sha3by o shyoo5", which is, in my opinion, retarded.

I have a lot to say, but my thoughts aren't organized at all right now LOL .. I don't think my word has any significance now, but i hope i don't neglect my blog again ... D.palms, don't kick my ass LOL

laterz

Sorry for the disappearence ... again

2009-04-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

I've been really busy this last week it's not even funny anymore :s ... sorry i couldn't update my blog. Hell, i didn't even read a single post for the past two weeks, which means i'll be haunting everybody's blog for a couple of days ;)

I'll pick up from where i left ...

I got out of my final clinical exam, hoping i'll just pass. Considering the horrible flu that kept me in bed for four days the weekend before the final, passing was something i looked forward to. Not putting much thought into how i did, i headed back home, picked up my bag, and went to the airport with my mom and aunt. We were going to Dubai. Lately, going to Dubai for me is just like going out for lunch or something lol. And just to make things clear, we stayed there for only 19 hours. Crazy ?? don't think so. Worth it ?? definitely. The reason behind this sudden, short trip that i arranged while in bed is Frogman's post about Cirque du soleil - Alegria.

I know how beautiful cirque du soleil is, and Alegria was the third one i see. I've saw La Nouba in 2000 and Quidam in 2007. It's an experience that everyone should have. I never saw it as a cirqus. It's a portrait that is being drawn right in front of people's eyes. And every detail makes a difference. The music, the performance, the costumes, the places were every performer is standing .. things i want to talk about AHHHHHGGGGGG .. but i won't not to ruin the show for anyone. Because, i believe that every single person sees something others don't .. and going to it with a predisposed idea might change that. And i really want to know what others saw it as :D

Another weird thing ... i've been offered a trip to Italy for a week :s. But, i think i'll have to say no to it. First, because i'm not sure that i can skip a week in school. Secondly, I don't think a week is enough time for me to see Italy. And i've been planning to go there with my childhood friend ever since we were kids :)

Anyway .. i think i'll go stalk some blogs now ... glad to be back :)

On the run

2009-04-05T02:05:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a whole week since the last post and this is supposed to be a long one. Sorry for not replying back at you all, but i'm running out of time here . Just got out of the exam and i have a plane to catch .. and it's all froggy's fault ;)

tell you all about it in the next post .. come on frogster, i'm sure you know why. Here's a hint, it was something you said ;)

10 Days Sum Up

2009-03-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

I know i haven't been around for sometime now. Many things have happened, and i didn't even feel like saying or writing anything. So, heads up .. it's a long post :p ... oh, and this is one goes to D.palms. Told you i'd post :p

* Confrontation ...
I've probably bored everybody, myself included with all the negativity that filled my posts ever since i started blogging, which is not long ago. I do admit that i have problems. Everybody does. But, people deal with them much differently. I am the kind of guy that would just suppress his feelings until they are no longer an issue, which i know is wrong, but it has been working for me all my life, until recently.
7 months ago i received news that was quite shocking for me. And it came from whom i consider the closest person to me. It was actually good news, but it made me realize how ignorant i was, and how little i was allowed to know.
Well, last weekend, i was confronted by him. And, to tell the truth, i thought twice before finally deciding to open up. And the things i said were obviously unexpected (i can hide a lot of what's going on with me). It didn't have the fairy-tale happy ending many would expect, but it's fair to say that it didn't end badly. At least i got to speak my heart out.

* Like every year on mother's day, i went to the flower shop near my house to get my mom and aunts flowers. And for the first time, THE PLACE WAS PACKKKKKKED, and i mean really PACKKKKKKKED ... I called some people to check if the places near them are a little less crowded, but EVERYBODY WAS GETTING FLOWERS !!!! ... That was the first time i see people like this on mother's day. And it took me very long to get the flowers, but i have to say i am glad that more and more people see that there is nothing wrong with it ... I actually saw a m6awwa3 buying a bouquet .. which is something you don't see, especially on mother's day :) .. Even with all the crowdedness, it was peaceful :D.

* A friend told me that she likes me :| ... And i was put in weird position. I don't like her that way, but i don't want to lose her as a friend. Thank god, i think i was able to deliver that message without hurting her ... That was the first time it happened to me, feels weird.

* I finally attended the training session for the organ donation campaign that was obligatory. I signed up with the campaign around two months ago .. and just received the training. NO I AM NOT LAZY OR CARELESS, the times were just unsuitable for me :) .. it's great that i did it .. and i'll start as an active member as soon as possible.

* I have a final exam coming up next Saturday :S ... and I'm totally not ready. HAVE TO STUDY, HAVE TO STUDY, HAVE TO STUDY.

I have more stuff to say ... but i think post is long enough lol ... and i'll update Tunes & Volume knobs soon ... until we meet again :D

Back On Track ?

2009-03-04T18:03:00.002-08:00

Stupidity. I've forgotten what i really want. I was blinded by unexplained self doubt, regardless of its generator, that came upon when i, idiotically, indulged into comparison. And it wasn't between me and other people. But, rather between our past experiences. Seening that many people have had tons of different experiences, regardless of their positive or negative effects in their live, generated something i never sensed before; regret.

I know it's stupid and senseless. I know that everything we go through is considerable, even the absence of any self experienced events. And i understand that we all went through different things in our lives. Things that no one else can explain. Every single person is unique. No one is the same.

What if i cannot accept that? What if i truly feel sorry whenever i hear that someone went through things i didn't? Do i regret the decisions i made to learn from other people's life events rather than trying it on my own ? Yes, i do. Do i believe that it's right? I'm sure it's not.

It's obvious. This has taken over my sense of logic. And i can't help it.

New Blog

2009-03-03T05:09:00.000-08:00

I know i've said before that, after some thinking, i decided that starting a new blog about music isn't the best idea. But, after some more thinking, i guess it is a good idea :D

A main reason is that i don't want to mix up my personal blog with strictly music related posts. Although, music is personal. But, the posts aren't <<< I have no idea what i'm talking about :p lol

Anyway, i'll start it with my next post .. feel free to drop any suggestions about anything. And if you feel like pitching in let me know :D

==================
UPDATE:

I launched the new blog under the name Tunes & Volume Knobs ... check it out if you have time :D

Music Post # 2

2009-03-02T06:20:00.000-08:00

Guitar. A major instrument in two big music genres; rock and flamenco. Yet, it's still guitar. What might happen when different elements from different genres are put together? Will you at least give it a shot?

Rodrigo Y Gabriela are two Mexican guitarists that actually did try it out. They combined their rock and thrash metal influences along with their traditional flamenco-derived, Mexican approach on the guitar to come up with their own unique style.

Rodrigo usually plays the lead parts. He creates the melodies that give each song it's characteristic feel. His method of playing clearly shows his thrash metal background especially as a lead guitarist, yet his choice of notes is anything but rock influenced.

Gabriela is the one in charge of rhythm. In fact, her rhythmic approach is so intense that she also delivers what is, conventionally, the role of percussion. Her attacks on the strings control the feel of the song. She is the pace keeper. And, in my opinion, she is behind the original sound the duo deliver.

Enjoy :)

Comedy in Riyadh

2009-02-21T16:14:00.000-08:00

I never thought that with this would've been possible. I know we have talented people that can really crack crowds up, but i didn't think that they'll do it here, in Riyadh, and for it to be an opening for a major comedian was as close as it can be to impossible.

I was proved wrong last Thursday. I went to a very cool standup comedy show with Ahmed Ahmed of the axis of evil tour as the main performer. I saw some very talented young comedians open for him. Some were Saudis and some were not. Some had talent while others lacked it. But, over all it was very successful and very fun.

The whole atmosphere was beautiful. It was one of those events where you don't feel like you're in Riyadh at all. People were very respectful. And the seating arrangements were suitable. Women who didn't want to sit along with the crowds had their own area, other than that it was a free seating event. It was a very good routine breaker that, i think, everybody needed. I would really advise everybody to go if they had the chance. Although, i hope next time, when the word gets around, that people don't go for the wrong reasons, i.e. to hook up. It's something everybody will enjoy, and hopefully next time i'll be sure to take my family.

A Memorable Night

2009-02-17T07:54:00.001-08:00

It was Friday, the 13th of February, the day i had the best 2 hours in my life. I lived one of my dreams that night. I lived it for a whole 2 hours. It was beautiful.

I realized that there is much more to what we think about than we could ever imagine until we try it ourselves. I have always thought about what i would do when going to a live show of a band that i adore, but never will my imagination ever mount to what i saw there; what was real. I had an experience of a lifetime.

I was always convinced that nothing will ever distract me the music that i grew up listening to, and by that i mean all the rest of the audience. But, i came to understand that everything around me contributed to that incredible atmosphere. It was a well balanced recipe.

Hearing the music i grew up listening to being created before my eyes. Screaming my lungs out singing along with the songs, or simply whenever i felt like shouting. Sharing the music with all the emotions that surge within with someone you've never seen before, and most likely to never see again. The nonexistence of social boundaries, where it's ok to hug a total stranger and be hugged back without a minimum sign of repulsion. Reaching the peak of my emotions and feel that it's ok to cry. I felt liberated. I was free.

Lucky for me i had cage tickets and i was really close to the stage through out the whole show. And i actually reached the fence a couple of times. It all started with the opening act of Lauren Harris, the daughter of Iron Maiden's bassist, and her band. Who were quite good.

Then the real show began. The band rushed like a hurricane. You can feel the energy all around. MAIDEN, MAIDEN, MAIDEN ..

Every single one of the guys was incredible. I already knew that, but to wee them excel right in front of my eyes .. wow. And of course i can't forget Eddy, the bands mascot. He is a must in all they're live shows. The Eddy i saw was brand new.

The show was ten times better than i expected, i really enjoyed every second of it.

After i came back home, my brother said to me " Now you've crossed Iron Maiden from your list. " .. What he doesn't know is that after that night, they reached the top of the list. That was a night i'll never forget.

Flexability

2009-02-12T19:53:00.000-08:00

Ok .. Since the path to the realization of me going to London next week was blocked due to some construction work, I switched to plan B. Yes, i do have a plan B. And to it, due to my persistence :p , i got an answer i want :D.

This alternative plan was an option all along. In fact, i was a little hesitant about choosing one over the other. But, since the first plan is no longer an option, it was time to lay all my cards on the table.

I am writing this from Dubai. Yeah, yeah, i know i just got back from there 3 weeks ago, but it's not what you think. It's not just the desire to travel and go anywhere that made me want to come here. If you recall, a major part in me wanting to go on a trip during the winter months was to see live shows of the bands i listen to, since unfortunately they don't tour in the places i go to in the summer. And all through my years in college, i had exams at this time of the year. Thanks to medical school, I was stuck.

I've been listening to these bands ever since i was thirteen, and i never got the chance to see any of them. I even had dreams about meeting them. But to my misfortune, i was never lucky enough to be in a place where any of the numerous artists i like is having a gig. And during the past years, some of them actually died. So, the idea of me never realizing this, on top of my absolute love for music, was haunting me.

So, the reason why i had to come to dubai is that IRON MAIDEN are here :D. They are one of my all-time favorite bands. And the word has been going around that this might be their last tour. I'm so excited about going to the show tonight :D.

This is the first concert i ever go to, that you actually buy tickets to, and so it's a big deal for me. And i'm thrilled that it's IRON MAIDEN. I'm quite picky when it comes to musicians i want to see live. And the problem is that 99% of them are from the 80s and before, and a lot are retiring soon. I guess some would consider it stupid not to just go to any show and enjoy it, but i see it differently. All i can say is, after many years of waiting, i'm planning on making it a night i'll never forget.

Music Post # 1

2009-02-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

I talked before about posting some stuff about music, since to me music is more than just a good tune you listen to to pass the time. Here goes.

Yousuf Islam ( formerly Cat Stevens ) is a British musician that has converted to Islam at the top of his fame in 1977, quit the music seen, and is putting his efforts into charity.

That is one of my favorite songs of him, which was played live in 2007. Another one would be Wild World which was also covered beautifully by Mr. Big.

I Have to say that even though the best musicians and artists in the world aren't as famous as others, I'm really glad things are the way they are. I believe that commercialism ruins artists, so a part of extraordinary musicians not being as known as other "entertainers" is a blessing in a way. I have personally acted according to this by not sharing music with people because i didn't think they'd appreciate it, which i knew later was wrong. I am not in a place to judge the taste of others, and they'll never take the beauty out of music no matter what they did. And because if everybody acted the same way i did, i myself would've never heard of these musical icons. I know i kinda drifted away from the topic, but that was something i've been wanting to say for a very long time.

Enjoy :)

HOW ??

2009-02-08T15:31:00.000-08:00

Before how, is it even possible to convince the parents that their kids have grown up? and how on earth could you do that?

I was planning to go to London next week, and i have to admit that i did travel a little too much this year, but when i told my parent about it, the reasons where unbelievable. First, it was the expenses, and i totally understand that, i don't want them keep paying and paying for me to have fun, and i told them that was saving up for it and am able to pay for it. And somewhere along the conversation i did the mistake of mentioning me going to a concert and football games. And that was it, they saw an opening and they charged "So, you want to go to get yourself killed by either the drug addicts in the concert or the criminals in the game". I could not believe they said that "Are you guys serious?". That's when i knew that they don't want me to go because they are so overprotective, and i gave in. As much as it annoys me that they still feel this way, i can't do anything to upset them, i mean, they are the reason i am what i am today, and i don't want to do things without their blessings. Thinking about this whole thing just drives me crazy, so i'll just try to stop.

Ronald Reagan To Nancy Reagan

2009-02-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

March 4, 1981

Dear First Lady

As Pres. of the U.S., it is my honor & privilege to cite you for service above and beyond the call of duty in that you have made one man (me) the most happy man in the world for 29 years.

Beginning in 1951, Nancy Davis, seeing the plight of a mined to rescue him from a completely empty life. Refusing to be rebuffed by a certain amount of stupidity on his part she ignored his somewhat slow response. With patience and tenderness she gradually brought the light of understanding to his darkened obtuse mind and he discovered the joy of loving someone, with all his heart.

Nancy Davis then went on to bring him happiness for the next 29 years as Nancy Davis Reagan for which she has received and will continue to receive his undying devotion forever and ever.

She has done this in spite of the fact that he still can't find the words to tell her how lost he would be without her. He sits in the Oval office from which he can see (if he scrooches down) her window and feels warm all over just knowing she is there.

The above is the statement of the man who benefited from her act of heroism.

The below is his signature.

Ronald Reagan - Pres. of the U.S.

P.S. He - I mean, I love and adore you.

===============================================================

I read this sometime ago, and i felt like sharing. Hope you like it too :)

Inspirational :)

2009-02-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

Coming Clean

2009-01-30T16:26:00.000-08:00

Knowing that this is going to be read by someone makes it hard for me to write, but then again, what's the point then, right?

I've been going through the worst depression i ever had. Usually, when i'm depressed, it's for a week maximum, but this time i've exceeded the time line of 7 months now. I can't help it. It's actually out of the frustration that i even started this blog. I don't keep up with my music the way i'd want to. My family and friends all have noticed this on me, since i'm usually, in my normal status, the loud joker of any gathering, and most of the times even when i'm alone. A major issue is that i'm not very good with words, not having trouble finding them, only trouble saying them for as long as i can remember. And whatever happens to me through out the years accumulates inside until one time i burst it all out over the silliest thing. I've been waiting for that burst for 7 months and it's not here yet.

Yesterday, my mom confronted me. She started talking to, since she knows that she's the only one that can get the words to come flowing out my mouth. She said that she has given me the chance to work this out on my own, but obviously i can't. I never admitted it before, and it's hard for me to admit it, since i'm the kind of guy that people come to me for help, but now it's i who needs help. This is affecting my sleep, i'm insomniac for the last two weeks, it has affected my school work, and it also affected my relationship with all the people i know. This has never happened to me.

It's not like i don't have a reason, I do. After my mom announced to me that she'll not allow me out of the room until i speak, although i know that this has no solution, i tell her, probably why it's easy for me to write about it. She tried to make me feel better. She tried to console me. It didn't work. I'm still infuriated with the one that made me feel this way. It was a person i trusted, idealized, and loved deeply, but i found out that he lied to me for so many years. I was shocked. I didn't and still don't know how to act in response. She suggested that i talk to him about it, but i know that this will only lead to us fighting, since i can't stand a word he says now. She said she'll talk to him instead, i told her that if he approached me it would end in the same result, so what's the point. And the reason i don't this to get bigger is that, it isn't just about me this will actually affect a lot of people around me that i love and hate to cause them any form of unsettlement.

I guess i finally said it.

Honesty Tag

2009-01-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

I know i haven't been around for a while, a lot has been going on, to the degree that i even skipped two days of college last week, which is something i've never done before ... i know i'm a nerd :p

A while ago i've been tagged by Libro anima and His sweetheart to do the honesty thingy. I have to admit it's really hard, since i don't usually do a lot of talking about me but here i go:

1- I have some OCD traits, i hate for my things to get dusty, even the ones that i never use, but just the fact that they're dusty makes me really uncomfortable

2- I don't have a very good sense of my surrounding, i tend to drift into my own thoughts and especially into my music, yet i notice weird unimportant things that no one else seem to notice ... like something that has moved an inch from it's place, and changing the place of a magnet on the fridge.

3- I love music too much, i can't imagine living without music. It's my best friend.

4- Lately, i've going through some serious psychological issues, a thing that i never suffered from before in my life ... and i'm not really handeling it well. This showed me that i can deal with stress as i've always did, but when something clouds my mind i can lose controle over it.

5- I am a person that'd rather listen than talk when the subject of talk is serious ... something my dad taught me. This sometimes make people i'm around uncomfortable, but i don't usually speak unless i have something to say, and that just creeps 'em out.

6- I joke around a little too much :D .. i just can't seem to control myself. I don't insult anybody, i just go nuts in a very childish way. A lot of people don't like that.

7- I love toys and stuffed animals :), i have a lot of them in my room ... I have the mind of 10 year old

8- When i don't play my guitar for 2 days, i get very much depressed. And once i play it, i lose track of time.

9- I'm a very persistant person. If i put my mind to something, i do it.

10- People who just got to know me think that i'm arrogant, since i don't usually call or ask for anything, but by time they know that i don't do that out of arrogance, but because i have too many friends and i have an obligation towards them. But, lately, i realized that the only one that wasn't happy with me doing that was me. So, i started spending more time with me that before.

It's wasn't as hard as i thought :) ... i tag: Pinkish, Coralbead, Seuss, Frogman, and Ego.

DONE
-------

Fame and fortune

2009-01-12T18:46:00.001-08:00

ahem ahem ..

Everybody, that's had god's blessings lain upon him, that is reading my words should bare in mind that i no longer have the luxury of spending much time here, typing, reading, and making remarks, for i am a busy man. You are probably wondering why am i saying that, and even though it's hard to explain to the common mind, i'll try to elaborate as much as my words would allow me. You are talking to a star. There, i said it.

*shaking it all off of my mind*

what i'm saying is that ... I appeared on TV today :D ... It certainly is weird to see yourself on tv, i thought "is my head really that big ?". But, anyway, my cousine told me i looked good and that the camera loves me, which i'm not so sure of but i'll take her word for it :D

I guess this makes up for not doing any of the things on my list ... yeah i didn't do a single one of them. I think i'm used to not following a list :)

P.S. i know i'm late for the tag, bas it's really hard, and i like to keep my future fans eager about knowing stuff about me, it's gonna be worth a lot of money oneday :p.

A chapter ...

2009-01-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

... has been closed, yet unfinished. I guess i ran out of paper.

Flight of ideas

2009-01-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

I'm done with my finals, and i have a week off WOOOOHOOOOO. I didn't do great on my 3 exams, but ok :), and now i have a week to cut it loose and go crazy, although i know i'm gonna spend all of it sleeping. I don't usually set plans for anything, since i don't stick to them on purpose, but this time i'm gonna prepare a list for what i want to do.

Alright, here we go ...

* Cleanup my desk. It's a mess.
* Watch The Dark Knigh. Yes, i didn't see it yet.
* Finish some paper work my dad wants me to do.
* Finish a couple of songs i'm working on, and start working on untouched ones :)
* Go to the zoo :D ... I'm really excited about it, i still remember the last time i went there when i was in 2nd grade.
* Try the new sushi place, Sushi Yushi, Although i don't think it can top Tokyo and Shogun :)
* Watch some more movies and anime.
* Do some reading.
* Listen to alot of new music :D ... Actually it's really old music form the 70's and 80's, but still new to me. Good music is timeless :)

I can't think of any thing else, lol i don't even think i'll do the stuff i just wrote, but who knows maybe this will give me the drive to do 'em.

As for the dog, i have given up on finding the owner, so i'll just keep it for a couple of more days before i give it to some one who i believe will take good care of it.

====== too lazy to put this in a new post :p ======

I just found out that i've been tagged by Libro anima and Hissweetheart to do the honesty thing. This us going to be so hard, BRUTAL, i need sometime to think.

Happy New Year !!

2008-12-31T06:59:00.000-08:00

Full of events 2008 was, of which not all were pleasant. So, here's to 2009, may it bring more bliss to be added to happy memories from past years.

From behind my text books .. this is me saying HAPPY NEW YEAR to all :D
and if you're actually reading this then you can celebrate it the way i did :p

The Pink Panther

2008-12-27T15:48:00.000-08:00

I did some research and i found out that this is the only possible way a guy can like pink and get away with it, and the theme is CRAZY isn't it ? :D>>> So, now it can be my favorite color for a reason, eh FROGGER ;)

Last week, as i was wasting my time not doing anything productive at all, I decided that i want to download some of the music. And for some reason i downloaded SAVAGE GARDEN ... Man, there's nothing better than to hear a song that literally can take you back in time, i couldn't stop listening to their songs that whole week :) .

I think I'm the kind of person that is ranked as a big child, I wouldn't have it any other way :D. I've been putting off all the studying i have to do for my finals, which is actually next saturday, watching cartoons, and i mean the good ones like The Lion King, Beauty And The Beast, and Captain Majid >> i'll watch the original japanese version soon :D, next in line will be Thunder Cats and Silver Hawks :D

I have to clean out my desk to make room for me to actually use it ... also arrange my CDs >> yeah i still buy 'em :D

======
As for the dog, i'm still trying to find his @#$%##@ owner .. i tried some of the things you guys suggested, hopefuly they work out for the best

Missing Dog !!!

2008-12-16T13:01:00.000-08:00

Today while i was walking my dog, i found this missing dog, which i think is a hybrid FINNISH SPITZ roaming the neighborhood and it had a collar on, so it must have an owner whose probably looking for it.

I'm doing whatever i can think of on how to find the owner, but i need your suggestions .. And i don't want to post any pictures of it, so that i don't give a chance to lairs to claim it, what do you think ?

It Happens Again

2008-12-14T15:12:00.000-08:00

Just as i was on my way out from our beloved hospital today, the fire alarm goes off. The first things i thought of were 1) WTF, 2) Thank god i'm on my way out, just in case it's not a false alarm. But, one thing i have to say, that alarm is so fucking loud it's deafening.

And one more thing i just remembered. I was laughing so hard in the waiting area in the ward when i saw two ladies that came in and where honestly dressed up like clowns. They wear wearing so too many colors and too much make up i couldn't help laughing.

Oh, and one doctor today had the impression that two of my colleagues are gay. The look on his face was priceless lol .

Samara

2008-12-10T00:44:00.000-08:00

Samara is, or was, one of my cats, and she died two days ago. I just got back form a 6 days stay in Dubai, where i had my first Eid away from home. My aunt told me about Samara yesterday, it was shocking. We had Samara in our lives for a long time, and it's hard to know that she died in the 6 days i was away falling the roof of our house and breaking her neck. It's really devastating, since i'm really attached to my pets, and i had some unforgettable memories with her. I had a lot of things i wanted to say here, but when i got this bit of news i just couldn't write about anything else. I will miss her.

2008-11-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to find a "new look" for my blog ... so i'll try some different styles and we'll see what works best

cheers everybody !!

Just babbling

2008-11-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

it's been sometime since i posted anything >> damn exams !! yeah i did have a final exam just last week ... but who cares, it's done right :) ...

-3 weeks ago something crazy happened in the hospital. We were having a lecture and the fire alarm just went off !!! i was thinking wth and just like it's something that happens everyday the doctor said that it was just a false alarm ... HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT ??? .. now the weird thing is that no one including myself moved a muscle, it was as if we didn't care, one of our colleagues actually TOOK PERMISSION from the doctor to go and make sure nothing is wrong !!! .. What if this wasn't a false alarm? how the hell would we know ? and more importantly how the hell would they evacuate all the patients in a real emergency if every always thinks it's a false alarm? ... after asking around, i figured out that this has happened before so the staff, and apparently the patients, are used to it. WHAT ??? if anything this only makes things worse .. i just can't think about it anymore .. it's too much for my post exam brain

-A not so exciting thing compared to the hospital thing is that i finally found an introductory note for my notebook that i bought 3 years ago and never used ... now i will :)

-I was thinking about starting a new blog about music where i'd put some songs on and talk about music ... but i decided that i'll just throw in a little something over here every once in a while ... And since this is the first one i want to share this amazing artist's music with you guys.

The simple fact that he's not a new upcoming artist is something great, because that means he's not corrupted by commercialism of music, he's one of my favorites ... And i think his talent should not go unappreciated :)

-On another music related issue, the latest music i heard was of the first SAUDI GIRL ROCK BAND ... they're called The Accolade ... I think it's great what they're doing, they have a passion for music and they're expressing it

Cheers everybody

Glad I was Wrong

2008-11-06T16:54:00.002-08:00

To be quite honest, i wasn't too keen about about following the USA elections. I just didn't figure it would matter, since i didn't think that a Obama would actually win it. I didn't think america would accept a black president, and so i thought that there was no point in following it.

Thank god i was wrong. Even though no one can be sure what his presidency would be like at this moment, Obama proved to me that change is possible and that determination pays off. I hope he'd make a good president, since it will have it's effect on the world. But, for now, i'm just glad he gave me back something i thought i lost in this world, hope.

What is to be made from this ?

2008-11-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

I got an e-mail today, and this was attached to it. Did you check it out ? ok.

I really didn't know what to think when i read it, did you ? Is this a good thing or not ? ... should i look at it positively, considering the fact that accepting 'new' things in life is finally on a roll. Or is this actually just staying exactly where we are, but only hiding it behind technology's microchips ?

And just to give you a hint about what i mean, my first reaction when i read it was " ahh ........ ok !", i wasn't really expecting something like this.

A Little Rainy ??

2008-11-03T05:57:00.000-08:00

Everybody is talking about how nice and cool the weather turned to be these last few days, and i can't not talk about it too ... mashllah it's AMAZING, and the rain that was clumping in the clouds for a whole year finally showered the city :o wooooow >> that put me in a good mood :) ... i was inside the hospital building when i noticed that it was raining a little outside, and since we finished the morning session early, i decided to go for a ride >>> BAD IDEA ... I totally didn't expect the little sprinkling that was going on to turn into that heavy rain, which was only an issue when it was time to step out of the car and run like my life depended on it ... i walked into the bulding soaking wet LOL, and as strange as it might sound, it was fun :)

My First Day in the Clinic

2008-10-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

I really felt like posting something, and i couldn't think of anything better to write about :D

Today was my first day in the primary health care clinic. I was assigned to 2 different doctors that were great, especially the one i was with in the clinic in the afternoon. She taught me a lot more than i was expecting and it was really ... do i dare to say it ... fun. She was offering me her knowledge by explaining everything she asks the patients about or requests for them, where most doctors will have me striving to get a couple of words from them. And although i was pretty pissed off in the morning, because the original doctor i was supposed to attend the clinic with didn't want me to be in the room, making the excuse that it's gonna be hard to be there when the patients are female, and the worst thing is that a lot of doctors actually believe in that. And although i could've just stayed there, because after all i was assigned to her clinic, i went to attend with another doctor, who was great ... And it ended up to be a pretty good first day, i hope the upcoming ones be even better.

I Wonder ...

2008-10-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

They say it's better late than never ... but ...

What is feeling sorry for NOT doing certain things in my life worth if i'm still hesitating to do them?

A Total Waste !

2008-10-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

As the academic year starts it's first day, i woke up at 5:30 am, popped up the usual two pills of advil, got ready and went out the house with mu coffee in hand at 6:15. I arrive at our dear college already knowing my schedule, but wanting to change my group, which is usually done there. And, to my big surprise, they tell me that they are not authorized to transfer any student between groups, and that, to my BIGGER surprise, all students must do the transfers online.

Online ??? When did our university reach that level. I was quite surprised, in a good way. I thought " finally, now students don't have to crowd up in front of the offices ", since we all know that forming a line is impossible here, and if you try to form one you'll just finish last. But, now that the rescheduling can be done online, we don't have to face this uncivilized overcrowding that we suffer from every first day.

Boy was i wrong. It was exactly like every year, and the reason is that they were waiting for each student to come to tell him that they can't do it and that he has to it online. How stupid is that ? Eventually, the word got spread around. And now comes the crazy part, the same guys who told us to go arrange or tables warned us from doing it via the uni's website, since there are some problems in the system. Are you out of your mind ? My first lecture is in 30 min and i have to get this done now. It was quite hectic, more than usual.

The thing that pissed me off is, why in the world weren't they prepared for this, was it a surprise that school starts today ? ... it's infuriating.

Lots of stuff ... This is one of them

2008-10-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

There are lots of things i want to talk about, and i don't know where to start.

Something out of the ordinary occurred to me 5 nights ago, i had a dream. And the dream ended up to be the worst nightmare i EVER had, and when i woke up, my cheeks were wet with tears, which is something that never happened to me before in my life.

I know that, as a muslim, one is supposed not to talk about his nightmares, not sure about even mentioning having them, but do i really want to forget this ? Do i want to let this "Experience" fade into oblivion riding the tracks of time ? But, then came the question, why do i want to remember it in the first place ?

I never thought about this before, but something happened in this particular dream, something that had it's effect echoing into my state of consciousness, waking up dormant thoughts in my mind, and accompanied by an unbearable despair that can leave me lifeless for seconds. Seconds that keep getting longer as they're counting. The aforementioned questions stand.

Needless to say, i couldn't find the answers. And as a consequence of that, and having the human arrogance that makes you think you can always find the answers solely, i started to weigh the positives and negatives of the two diverging paths. And the frustration came upon when all the paths lead to the same point of origin. No answers found.

The effect of someone's state of mind on his decisions is unquestionable. That was the simplest justification i could think of to explain my urges to retain this unpleasant event. Am i going through some sort of psychological dip ? Maybe ! But, a reassuring assumption would be that we all suffer from these downs one time or another, don't we ?

Happy Eid !!

2008-09-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

KOL SANA O ENTOM 6AYBEEN :D !!

Wishing everybody a happy eid and the life for many more to come.

Post vacation depression syndrome

2008-09-28T02:34:00.000-07:00

A person suffering from Post vacation depression usually has the collection of 3 or more of the following symptoms :

1- Suffering from a prolonged "jet lag" period that is continuous for more than 2 weeks

2- Being on the edge of death out of boredom after finally accepting that their aren't a lot of fun things to do

3-Leaving the house not because you want to go out, but because you kinda have to

4-Spending time a lot more than usual in one's room

5-Starting to think about redecorating the whole house

6-Losing the ability to go through a single chapter of whatever book you're reading

7-Having writers' block, whither it is actual writing or any other form of artistic expression

That was practically all i could come up with :D ... Fortunately as time passes the symptoms become milder, there's no need to panic :D

Hello, Allah ??

2008-09-26T17:39:00.000-07:00

It's weird how you remember stuff, and how something that was totally forgotten resurfaces, and develops into a thought you can't shake off. I just read a post by Yawarakai and it reminded me of something my cousin said years ago, when she was really young.

My grandma had past away many years ago, yet she kept living through our words. No one in our family has ever forgotten her or stopped talking about her. She passed away before she could see her 2nd youngest grandchild, yet my cousin used to talk about her as if she was living amongst us still. One time she asked my aunt " mom, where's grandma ? ", and my aunt replied " honey, she's with Allah ". And one day, while she was playing with a telephone toy she had, she put the phone to her ear, dialed a number , and said " Hello, Allah, can i talk to my grandma ?". At that time, i was too young to think about what she said, i just thought it was cute. But now, after reading that post, i can't stop thinking about it. She was looking for grandma like it was not something out of the ordinary to want to talk to her, like she had known her forever. Remembering that incidence made me realize how her existence amongst us turned into an existence within us, and how that turned into a memory that has been fading away little by little since 13 years ago. I noticed how little i talk about her anymore, how seldom it became for me to hear my aunts and uncles talk about what she was like when they were young, how forgetful i became of her that i don't even remember when was the last time i visited her. I know that being able to forget is a blessing so that we can get over unfortunate events that happen in life, but there are certain things i really wish i can remember them more often.

Yawarakai, thanks for the reminder.

" Ignorance is Bliss "

2008-09-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

That's the phrase that is still echoing in mind since yesterday ... A couple of my friends and i met up yesterday and did what we usually do when we gather >>> listen to music and talk about diverse subjects. And the thing that came up was the way people discriminate others based on their origins and last names, which we all agreed is bullshit. I honestly don't understand how do some people believe that they are better or on a higher level than others based on their roots, and the fact that it reaches to the level that they won't even marry from each other because of that is sick and retarded ... ( and just so u don't think i'm saying this because i'm one of the less fortunate people who suffer the consequences of this >> i'm not, and yet still - to some people's surprise - against it ). Why on earth do they think their better ? They didn't have any part in that, it is just a thing they were born with, and it doesn't put them in any better place than anyone else. It's just sickening the way people are focused on these idiotic standards instead of judging people by who they are and what they do on a personal level.

Now, where does the title fit in in all this ? ... After talking about that for an hour, my friend simply said it, ignorance is bliss. The fact that we are bothered by this is because we are thinking about whether things are right or wrong, and not just simply do whatever it is that others are doing without thinking. I know we are right, or else what is the benefit of having a brain - that god blessed humans with - if we're not using it. The fact that a lot of people just live their lives depending on the way they see others living is wrong ... a person needs to be convinced of what he's living by, and prepared to answer when someone asks him why is he doing whatever it is he's doing. I'm not saying that everybody should drop their faith and believes and search for answers else where, what i'm saying is that we should all just give everything we're doing just a little thought, and most importantly know why are we doing it, because only then will the mind and heart reach common grounds, and that's the way every human should be living.

Why am i doing this ?

2008-09-23T01:55:00.000-07:00

I asked myself that question when i signed up here, and the answer was that i have a lot going on in my mind that i want to say, an a lot of times i write my thoughts down but i've never shared them with anybody. So, i thought that if i write her there might be a chance that someone will read this somewhere and might even think about my words for mere seconds.

Now, the thing i didn't decide on yet is whether i'll post some of my older writings or just start from here on, but whatever i do i just hope that whoever reads my blog finds it worth reading because to me it's definitely worth writing.